ºClimate Day

Coming of Age

// October 16th, 2009 // Blog

By Hilary Best

A friend of mine had me over for dinner this week in her first post-university apartment. It’s a wonderful one-bedroom on an interesting street in a great part of town. As is typical of the post-move phase, the place is full of unpacked boxes and furniture belonging to past tenants. The knives and forks do not yet have a home. But as we dined on her mother’s thanksgiving leftovers, it was clear that my friend was pleased with her new space and with her new set of keys had entered a new phase of life.

With my twenty-second birthday approaching, I’ve been thinking a lot about what coming age means for my generation. We don’t often get a clear delineation of adulthood in Canada. Members of the Jewish faith hold bar and bat mitzvahs (“one to whom the commandments apply”) at age thirteen. Tamils celebrate Manjal Neerattu Vizha, a proceeding which teaches girls the dos and don’ts of upcoming years and sees their feet painted with tumeric water. But for those without a traditional faith community, the turbulent and exciting passage to adulthood is not always marked. Surely, voting with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other is not our rite of passage.

And yet, we are coming of age. Or we need to be. As Paul Hawken said in a recent commencement address, “You are going to have to figure out what it means to be a human being on earth at a time when every living system is declining, and the rate of decline is accelerating.” A tall order. Particularly when the ceremonies which teach us the rules of the game are not available. We need to expect more from ourselves than getting a job and finding a place to live comfortably. Now adulthood comes with the additional understanding that we will support ourselves and our families while shouldering the burden of achieving justice and environmental sustainability.

In facing up to these challenges, some are reviving old traditions or creating new ones which better reflect the expectations of modern adulthood. An acquaintance recently attended a coming of age ceremony which used drumming, singing and fire lighting to great effect. The participating youth then shared their hopes and expectations for themselves in front of a group before setting off on a solo camping journey.

Children in the Christian faith enter the age of accountability, when they are old enough to understand the moral consequences of their actions. For some of us, the age of accountability is welcomed by standing up for what you believe in. Gracen Johnson, a twenty-year-old University of Guelph student is coming of age, leading thousands to Fill the Hill on October 24th to call for fair, ambitious and binding emissions targets in Ottawa and Copenhagen. She is taking on a level of accountability not witnessed in our formally elected leaders; those from whom, arguably, she should be drawing wisdom and inspiration.

As I navigate the stormy seas of self-awareness and the job search, I find myself looking to the mentors and parents who have guided me along the way. These inspiring people now seem to offer encouragement rather than direction. Their sudden aloofness has allowed me to see that coming of age is a process of turning inward for guidance, of valuing one’s intuitive understanding. The last few years have been ones of rejecting the adolescent voice of self-doubt and learning to trust the quieter thoughts of self-efficacy. It’s a challenge – but no one said becoming an adult would be easy.

Coming of age isn’t a pre-requisite for being a grown up. If I could turn off the ceaseless stream of greater expectations, I might be able to embrace a less responsible version of adulthood. As it turns out, this is easier said than done. Instead, I’m envisioning my own coming of age which borrows from the best of old and new traditions. Like my friend, I’m looking forward to self-sufficiency and independence. Like the Tamils, I’m trying to spell out the rules of the game that I can live by. Like Gracen, I’ve got my eyes on a defining moment of truth. The absence of a formal ritual creates opportunities for us to seek our own path. However we mark it, what’s important is that we celebrate the new era and embrace a new realm of challenge, responsibility and fulfillment.

We’re coming of age in a time when the questions are complex and the answers are shifting. We can look to our mentors for wisdom, but they won’t be able to give us a step-by-step plan for taking on tomorrow. It is as new to them as it is to us. Instead, we learn to trust ourselves, to cherish our values and to live our lives in the best way we know how. This is a coming of age. I look forward to sharing the journey.